


Condoms All Over the Goddamn Carpet

by chatonfils



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Humor, M/M, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 16:27:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9911267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chatonfils/pseuds/chatonfils
Summary: "I took a bunch of free condoms from health services just because I could and they all fell out of my bag at once and now you're staring at me weirdly."Otherwise known as that tumblr prompt I lost the link to.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The title is totally in reference to my best friend's favorite CAH card.

Lance made bad decisions. A lot. And the most notable one of late was his trip to health services. He'd gone to just to get his biannual STI check, but a certain basket caught his attention on his way out.

The free condom basket.

Looking back on it, he didn't really know what compelled him to dump half the basket into his backpack. He'd just done it impulsively. No one had been around and he'd had no reason not to do it.

That's not where the bad decision began, though. You could say it started a month prior when he'd pissed off Pidge by calling her short. And then she'd boobytrapped one of his bags. Or perhaps the bad decision began a week prior to putting the condoms in his bag. Pidge had asked if any of his bags had spontaneously fallen apart, and he'd thought nothing of it. If he had checked his bags, it wouldn't have led to the incident.

Whatever the case may be, Lance was now stood in the middle of the dorm's hallway with a very broken backpack, fifty condoms on the floor, and a very startled Keith Kogane.

"It's not what it looks like!" Lance didn't even know what exactly he thought it looked like, but he was going to deny everything. He scrambled to pick up as many condoms as he could, blushing all the while. The ebony haired boy stared at him, giving him the strangest look.

Keith was silent as he bent down and picked up one of the offending plastic wrapped rubbers. He studied it momentarily. Lance didn't even want to know what was going through the other man's head. It couldn't have been anything good. Probably silently judging him. He wouldn't be surprised if a jab was spoken. Lance just wanted to be prepared for free.

"Surely you need more than this," Keith said, finally. Lance snapped his attention to the slightly older man.

"Excuse me?" Was Keith Kogane calling him a slut? He'd pegged Keith for pointing out his immaturity, but if he was going to comment on his sex habits-

His thoughts were interrupted by him. "For your water balloon fight?" Keith's eyebrow's knitted together and he tilted his head at Lance. Oh god, Lance was going to lose it. How was he meant to survive when such an innocently adorable statement was made. Did Keith not understand what this was?

"Uh. No. No, not water balloons." Lance stood up straight. "You know what these are don't you?" Keith rolled his eyes and put a hand on his hip. His navy blue eyes shone with annoyance at the question.

"Well obviously they're condoms. But there's no way you need this many unless you're not using them for their actual purpose." Ah, there was the Keith that Lance enjoyed bickering with.

"You think I can't get laid?!" Lance's voice rose in volume. He gave an angry sneer to him. Keith looked at him, surprised.

"N-no, that's not what I was saying." He put his arms up in a peaceful gesture.

"Yeah, sure it wasn't. Well, I bet you can't get laid either, asshole." Keith scowled at Lance.

"I didn't say you couldn't get laid! I was just saying you weren't going to get a chance to use all of them."

"Exactly! That's what that means!"

"Lance, I really don't doubt your ability to get some action. You're just not going to use this many by their expiration dates. Which is in two months, by the way. Because you'd have to have sex almost every day from today until then to even come close. And not even you get that much action, no matter how appealing having sex with you might be." Lance caught on to more than Keith had wanted him to. He smiled wickedly at him. Keith took a small step back, not knowing how to interpret that expression.

"And just how appealing is having sex with me, Kogane?" Keith blushed. Hard. Lance was surprised that those ten words were what finally broke the steel emotions Keith normally adorned. His mouth opened and closed like a fish.

Lance shoved all the condoms he was holding into his pockets. He bent down to pick up another, which he then brought over to Keith. He slipped the condom into the other boy's pocket, and winked at him.

Keith's mouth hung open in surprise, which Lance gently closed. He stepped a little closer and whispered, "You don't want to catch flies now," into the space next to Keith's head. Then Lance took a step back and smirked.

Keith dropped the condom he had been holding. He was sputtering trying to respond to Lance in any sort of coherent fashion. Unfortunately for him, he'd lost any and all composure he'd once had.

"Let me know if you want to help me deplete my stash, Kogane." And he patted Keith's cheek lightly before turning around. He gathered more condoms off the ground and left without looking back.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't write smut lol. But hella good with the sexual tension ;)  
> Keith gets REKT.  
> Okay lol. If anyone wants to write smut as a follow up to this, go ahead.  
> The closest thing I've written to smut was a grinding scene which got cut off by another character seeing it and just questioning his entire existence lmao.


End file.
